We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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