i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
