are you still at the devil's house?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
