I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
