I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
