im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
