If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
