I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
