Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
