I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize