I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
