I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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