FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
