Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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