I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bring me that man meat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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