i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like eating out sand paper
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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