Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
