She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
