I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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