I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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