i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
