You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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