my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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