I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
