The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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