I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
