He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
