I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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