Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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