in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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