you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's shark week go big or go home
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
