After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
