My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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