Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
