it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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