My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
