Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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