I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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