you guys were way drunker than both of me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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