you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
