were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
