i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize