forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
