the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize