I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
