saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
