oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
