I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
