dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
