Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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