I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
