How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
