Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
