hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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