I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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