Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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