thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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