so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
