Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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