If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
