Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
