Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
