i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
