So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize