when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
