i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
