dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
