I got chris browned last night
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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