I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
