is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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