you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
