one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
