i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
