he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's shark week go big or go home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
