Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
