He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize