The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
