So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
