so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
