rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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