my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
