Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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