At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
