he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Randomize
