yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
