I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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