Cold hands, warm shart.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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