Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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