so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
