I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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