i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
