I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
