I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
