so that wasnt chicken after all
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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