She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize