so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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