How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
