Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
