My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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