saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
