Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
