Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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