your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
