Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
this is an emotional support booty call
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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