Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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