I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
